| |
Here's some great Drummer Jokes
I found @
www.notationmachine.com
& www.cse.ogi.edu/Drum/jokes.html
Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: It took him an hour to get the drummer out!
A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke."
The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!"
The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: Hey guys, let's do one of my songs.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A. With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.
| |
Two girls are walking along when they hear... "Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks.
After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven:
"Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"
Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
| |
Q: Why do bands have bass players?
A: To translate for the drummers.
Q: How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
A: Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
Q. Why do drummers have a half ounce more brain than a horse?
A. So they don't disgrace themselves in a parade.
| |
drumbum.com
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
Q: How do you fit 100 drummers in a phone booth?
A: Throw in a food stamp.
Q: How do you get em out?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: How many drummers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: How do you get a drummer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Why do drummers like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
| |
Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent drummer?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for drummers than for other musicians?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
A: Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain.
The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10.
The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000.
The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000.
The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken
| |
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
| |
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A: The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
| |
A lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would like some musican brains.
"Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.
"What are those way back there?" she asks.
"Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.
"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"
"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".
Q: What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A: A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump )
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q: Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
A: So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
| |
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.
Q: How can you also tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.
| |
One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer??"
"Beats me!"
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
| |
Two salesmen are in a bar.
One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman."
The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys."
"Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
| | | | | | | | | | |
